Basic-Bitch Beer Bread

I’m not gonna lie. Bread can be hard to make. You need yeast, you need to knead it, you need the right kind of flour (somethin’ about the gluten???). It’s messy and dough gets stuck all on your counter and F’s up your mani. Pans matter. Ovens matter. It is much faster and easier to support your local baker. Am I right?

Buuuuut….what if I told you that there was an easy bread to make that required no kneading and no messiness? You’d be like that’s great, but you think I got no yeast in the house? Bitch, please. I know. Literally, tell me WHO keeps yeast on hand? My mother is the only person I know who does.

I decided I wanted to bake because I am bored out of goddamn mind right now and I can only do so much yoga and meditation before this girl needs as break! Well, after putting on my mask and holding my breath through two stores to avoid getting COVID, I found that there is a yeast shortage! I thought it was just here on our little island, but apparently back in the good ol’ US of A it is also an issue. (There is also no flour, baking powder or baking soda, but at least I had those!)

You know what else I do have though, and what is still readily available? Beer! You know what beer has in it? Yes, I know it has alcohol, but that was not what I was driving at. #Facepalm. YEAST!

There are a million recipes for this on-line and they are all almost exactly the same: Flour + baking powder + beer. That is it! Okay, yes, salt is a given, and there is an OPTION to add a little sumpin-sumpin’ sweet, plus butter is a given, but you only NEED three ingredients!

I made two loaves and on the second one, I got fancy, but it is not any harder, I promise. This ish is soooo good hot with melted butter. Damn!

INGREDIENTS

3 Cups flour (You can use all white or a mix of whole wheat and white. I only had white.)
1 T baking powder
1 can of beer
1/4 t salt
1/4 cup honey or maple syrup (This is optional, but nice especially if you use a light beer with no damn flavor. See below…)

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On the beer. Any kind is fine. I know you basic, so you probably got some Coors Light or some ish. That’s fine. If you fancy and you got something darker, that will add some color and flavor, but don’t lose sleep over this. It’s beer. Just pick one. Some recipes said to put melted butter in it and on top. I prefer to save my artery clogging for when it matters….after it is baked, but give it a try. The honey adds some moisture without fat.

Stir it up. It’s a bit lumpy and that’s cool. And put it in a greased loaf pan.

I like to turn the oven now and let the bread sort of rise while you wait for it to heat, so like 10 minutes or whatever.

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Once the oven is all the way hot, stick it in and bake it at 375 for 35-45 minutes.

To test if it is done, carefully so you don’t burn your motherf*&^ing fingers, take it out of the pan and tap the bottom. If it sounds hollow, it’s done, bitch! This took 32 minutes.

Put it on a rack to cool and you have bread.

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This is soft, chewy, slightly sweet, malty and perfect with butter melted on it!

I did a different variation that has more ingredients and is a bit healthier, but it is just as easy if you want to try it!

Now look at you. You a badass bakin’ bitch!

If you like this and my more chilled out posts, be sure to follow, share and like!

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