Adventures in on-line dating: Breaking up is hard to do

Photo: Me in Jaipur, India. In the words of Charlotte: “Where IS he!??!”

When I left you, I was feeling a bit like The Bachelorette: to whom was I going to give the rose? There were really two contenders: The Doctor and The Architect. For reasons I cannot fully pinpoint, I was leaning towards the Doctor, but I enjoyed the company of the Architect and I decided not to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I figured there was no real reason to pick a finalist just yet.

Let’s discuss the Doctor for a moment. He is tall, which is a plus; he is my age, which is a requirement; he is VERY smart, which is sexy; he has had an interesting and not easy life, which always intrigues me; he has never been married and has no kids, which is also a plus. He was teasing me about not wanting to go to his apartment. We had been out three or four times, and I just didn’t see the need. I had just found out that I had gotten a temp job, and since I have been looking for months this was exciting to me. I started the job on a Wednesday, so the day before, I offered to meet him for lunch. He was working from home, so I offered to pick up lunch and bring it to him at his apartment. Look at me building bridges! I arrived with lunch (which was a challenge because he is the one that is allergic to beans and doesn’t like vegetables). I asked him how work was that week. He spent a good fifteen minutes griping about one particular issue, so I suggested we discuss something more pleasant. I said, “Do you want to ask me about the job I told you I got?” “Oh yes,” he replied, “tell me about it.” We were then discussing the job interview he had on Thursday that he was very excited and optimistic about. We also discussed the weekend and making possible plans. I asked him if I could borrow his computer at some point to work on my resume, as it was done on Publisher, which I don’t have access to right now. He agreed. We made out a bit. I left.

My first day at my new job came and went without a peep from him. It is worth mentioning that he is a big fan of a particular basketball team, his alma mater, and each time they played during March Madness, I would send him a text before the game and after with the appropriate level of sympathy or jubilation. I took an interest in his life. The day of his interview, I sent him this text:

“I hope it goes will to day…let me know! xo”

He replied, “Thank you. Will do.”

I heard nothing Thursday or Friday, and I thought that perhaps it hadn’t gone well, so I would let him be. I heard nothing over the weekend, and I thought that even if it didn’t go well, he could damn well send me a text. I spent an hour and $20 at Staples working on my resume since I clearly wasn’t going to be able to use his computer as discussed. I decided the ball was in his court, and I was not going to chase him. I had actually specifically said to him during our lunch that I liked him, but I was not going to beg. He was going to have to show me he was interested. This silence was not doing that. The Sunday that was 10 days after I had sent him the well wishing text, I sent him this:

“I just want to be clear that this is you blowing me off. It feels that way. I was being literal when I said ‘I hope it goes well.’ If it did, I would have been happy to hear about it. If it didn’t, I would have been happy to listen. I was being literal when I said, ‘let me know.’ The ‘xo’ was a symbolic hug and kiss. I was also being literal when I told you that I like you, but I won’t beg. I interpret your silence the past week as disinterest. We both have limited time, and I refuse to spend mine worrying about this. This is not me chasing, this is me walking away.”

Harsh? Perhaps, but I am not going to just leave things in limbo, and I also am not going to play games and wonder when I can next expect a call. You don’t need to be in 100%, but you do need to be in or out with me. I have done the bullshit before, and I haven’t got the patience for it now. Yes, I supposed I could have sent a less abrasive text, but I was annoyed, and I don’t think it is fair that I should have to just play nice and put on a smile when I am annoyed. Had he replied with any level of apology or recognition that it was not cool to just not be in touch, I would have at least listened.

I got no reply. Three days later, I was feeling bitchy because it actually seemed so weird that he hadn’t been in touch, what if something terrible happened? I am little of an unnecessary worrier. I always imagine my loved ones dead in ditches. They never are.

So I called. He picked up. I said, “Oh good, you’re alive.” He informed me he was, but had been really busy with work and taxes. I told him I was just making sure that he wasn’t dead in a ditch and that I was being a heartless bitch. Since he was clearly alive, I was not a bitch. He told me he had gotten my text, and was waiting for me to cool down. I literally replied, “Cool. Talk  to you later,” and hung up.

That was the last of the  Doctor. I am not crying about it. I had actually said to him at one point that if he told me he wasn’t going to be able to see me for three weeks, that was fine. I just wanted to know. I am not needy for attention and time necessarily; i have a life of my own. I am needy for basic communication, so that I may plan said life.

In the meantime, the Architect had come back after being away, and sent me a text saying  he was “dying to see me,” so why I was I wasting my time on the disinterested Doctor anyway!?!?! The Architect is a little younger, but not young; he is also tall; he is very attractive and quite fit; he does have an ex-wife and child. He wanted to come pick me up that night and offered me a massage. lol. *Roll eyes.* I told him that I really couldn’t see him during the week, but let’s make plans for Sunday. On Saturday I called him around 11am to tell him that I was not going to the march as I had planned because it was cold and raining. I said, if he wanted to meet, I was free. He confirmed that we had plans on Sunday. I, having decided to quit being so coy with him said, “Yes, but I just wanted you to know that I am free today and tomorrow. I am at your disposal.” He replied, “I like that, I will call you when I am done.” (He had a family thing at 4 that afternoon). That was a week ago yesterday, and I never heard from him.

We had actual plans on Sunday, for which he stood me up; we had possible plans on Saturday, for which he left me hanging. This is so not okay with me. Again, because I need closure, after about six days, I messaged and said, “So did you stand me up Sunday and then fall off the radar because something tragic befell you or did you just decide to blow me off with no explanation?”

Maybe he literally died waiting to see me. It could happen.

He never replied to the message. I just called him, and after one ring, it went to voice mail, which is usually a “reject call,” no?

I have no idea what happened or why. He was chasing, I was resisting a bit, and then as soon as I indicated I might not resist anymore, he vaporized.

For the record, I had not slept with either of them. I told them both that I wanted to take it slow, and that I liked them, therefore, I didn’t want to until I was ready. I didn’t tell them it was also because there were two of them, and that seemed weird. Maybe it’s why they blew me off. In which case, no real loss.

In the meantime…there is The Investor.

We had only had one coffee date, and I didn’t think I was interested. He is the same description: tall, (very) good-looking, in fact, I think he is the winner in that category. He is clearly smart because he works for himself, is in investing and does well, but he isn’t smart like the Doctor, who was bloody brilliant. His brain totally turned me on. Anyway, the Investor and I had had only one date. I hadn’t given him the rejection email, but i wasn’t paying him a lot of attention, and we know how guys love that. He texted me, “I know you are busy, but you need to make time in your life for me.” Next text: “Because I belong in it.” I mean, they guy is putting it out there, and what have I got to lose? He has been overseas for work, but has been in touch. I expect a dinner date upon his return, so I can see what’s what.

So, two have bitten the dust, and a third holds only a small amount of my interest.

I may need to steer clear of these tall, dark and handsome types. It always ends the same way.

Perhaps I should re-enable the app and see who has joined the fray….


2 thoughts on “Adventures in on-line dating: Breaking up is hard to do

Add yours

  1. I enjoy your blog, Monica, Always have. But one, non sequitur comment…
    “I may need to steer clear of these tall, dark and handsome types.”
    Oxford comma! PLEASE!


  2. Sorry, I’m in the No-Oxford-Comma School. In a list of phrases, I opt for semi-colons, and include the one before the conjunction. I know sometimes I have typos, but “tall, dark and handsome” wasn’t one. 😉


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